How to Date an Asian: Dealing with Her Asian Mom

If you thought I had nothing to say about how a man can successfully date an Asian woman (’cause I don’t date Asian girls), then you were wrong. I have two sisters, and I’ve had experience talking to Asian mothers my entire life. I also dated a hapa Asian girl, so you know… I got an additional 50% experience.

If you don’t trust me, trust that I survived this lady.

“If you ever put photo online, I murder you with just these four fingers.” Woops.

As a man meeting your significant other’s Asian mother, the key is to be polite. Or shower her with praises. Whichever works. You have to understand that the Asian mother will be the key to your salvation, and how well you do with the family.

As I stated for females meeting their male’s significant other, you should bring gifts. But the big difference no matter how polite you are, you still have so many judgments pre-stacked against you.

You really are alone.

But not really at all because I got your back. I’m a romantic, and I believe in beating the odds. I also believe in ghosts, karma, and other things that my mother tells me I’m an idiot for believing in.

So here’s how to win an Asian mother’s affections.

You have to be successful. That’s not to say you need to be a multi-millionaire like Zuckerberg, but you need to live on your own without the support of anyone else. You have to be established in your career ’cause otherwise, you have no proven history. This means that you can take care of her daughter.

You must come from a good family, so that you have a fallback if necessary. Also, men who come from good families usually carry good traits because their families instilled it in them. Good traits include being courteous, hard-working, smart, charming…

And having strong backs because strong backs mean strong, good men.

No Asian mother wants a potential son-in-law to be weak-willed and unable to hold his own ground. He has to be strong, capable, and have conviction. He has to be able to hold his own ground against her opinions even though he should never refute her claims. It’s like trying to navigate a mine-field with a dowsing rod.

I don’t believe in dowsing.

If you’re Asian, you’ve got some bonus points going for you. If you’re the same Asian as your significant other, extra brownie points, but it all in the end depends on your family history. If you’re Chinese, from New Jersey, aspire to be a Jersey Shorite, and try to date one of my sisters, my mom will end you. You could replace the “Chinese” with any race and go to any Asian mother, and she’d probably end you just to help the world be a better place.

Asian parents are generally approving of white people too because white’s universal. Every other race, tough luck, guys. And lesbians? Good luck.

But really, at the end of the day, it’s not the mother you have to worry about when dealing with your female Asian significant other.

It’s the dad.